GrINdM3isTeR

Yesterday marked the end of a life. A life that my family cherish, love, appreciate so much. But alas that life has to end. He was in pain for the past 2 months. He was limping around the house but he was still very loving. He would wait for us to come back and see us at the door, he would wait for us to open the door for him, he would eat with us, he would play with us, jump around and play with his food.

he listened to me when i needed him, he was there with me when i needed him. he played with me when i needed him without me asking him to.

Sadly, very very sadly, he has now gone to some other place. i just wish i did more for him. My mom is the worst. She loved him unconditionally. She gave him the best of everything. No questions asked. She knows him inside out. She is the only person that he wont get angry with.

I’m so sorry Tommy. We love you. Take care.

Horoscope for August 9, 2007

Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)[?]

The Bottom Line

It’s a good day to be assertive about what you think and what you want from others.

In Detail

You know more than you think you know, so don’t let anyone keep you from saying what you think about a certain political situation today. They can’t intimidate you anymore, because the universe is going to wake up your inner warrior. This is a good day to be assertive about what you think, what you want, and what you expect from other people. Without coming off as too demanding, you can clearly communicate anything you want. You may make an enemy, but you will win many new allies.

Hey check this out. So true for me today..Well..maybe its time to stand up for myself..

Today was the Community Shield in England and Man Utd won. Historically only Chelsea has won the Community Shield and the Premier League together in a season in 10 years. No club has every won both titles.

It augurs well for the team that they won the Community Shield, so lets hope they would not have the curse hanging over them.

I’m just totally happy. That’s all. Of course for a reason but then the reason will be revealed later and not now. Sleep well..

I attended 2 weddings on the first week of July. Both were people that I have known since we were young kids. It’s just normal for people to get married but then I was looking at them and I thought to myself this thought; "Oh my gosh, 10 years ago we were in school uniforms, fooling around, playing afool, skipping classes, snooker, Jaya Supermarket, McD’s, Thrifty Supermarket, One Utama. And we were all damn young at that time. We have all moved on in life, chasing the stars and achieving what we want in life. But I still do feel that we are all just the young people that we were last time. Hey blame me for being nostalgic but those were the times and days that I would never ever ever forget for my entire life. Those were what shaped us to who we are today.

I just felt that "My gosh, am I the only who has the feeling of loneliness?" When I looked at the two couples that got married, they look so damn happy. Are all couples when they get married look so damn happy? I want those happiness. It’s a shame that I’m just not in a relationship. I would love to be in a relationship now cause I have been in ‘mourning’ for too long. Furthermore I gave myself the excuse of me being a commitment freak. I’m just to afraid to try new stuffs. It’s time I start out again.

But that’s not what I want to ramble about today. I actually want to get married soon. HaHaHa…nobody would believe me. I don’t either..Hahaha..but hey..I was out with a friend yesterday when she was shoping for a gift for a friend’s newborn. I followed her and I looked at all the accessories that is available for newborns these days. Extraordinary, phenomenal and EXPENSIVE!! Those are the only few words that I could utter out when I saw the prics on one of the things that could be put in the playpen or the bed (for newborns). It was freaking RM 200 over. Another thing is the baby pram. It was freaking more than RM 1000. I mean what the hell is wrong with the world. I believe that when 2 people decide to have kids, they would actually give all the best to the child. I would too!! But RM 1000 for a baby pram??!! Wouldn’t it be too expensive. Another product. The baby stool trainer. My gosh, they now come in all sizes and colour. They even have music installed in it too. Damn, that thing costs more than RM 200. I think if I ever or for anyone else that matters, it is freaking expensive to actually have a child. Think about it. Studies, handphones, the mp3 players, the XBox and etc etc etc. Wow..estimation..I will need more than RM 1,000,000.

Don’t get me wrong. I love kids but I really have to plan ahead. I told myself if I don’t have RM 30k, I wont want to get married. It’s hard but then..what’s need to be done, needs to be done right.

Thank you..

It has been a hectic 2 months for me since February and it will get even more hectic for the coming months.

I realised that I have not pay attention to the people that I should and in the process I think they have been feeling left out or uncared for or they felt that I’m a useless shit or bastard.

Well, please bear with me. I have so much things to do I don’t even have time for myself unless for the 1 or 2 hours before I sleep.

I sincerely ask for a bit of understanding. Want to secure my future.

I have been wasting my time doing things that I know will not yield any results but yet I do it for the hope of results showing at the last minute. I was warned, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…as usual I always defy the obvious and here I am right now in this moment of time. I have wasted so much time that I lost so many things in life. I have been an idiot, a fool.

It’s like when you know you won’t have any results when you pursue this particular issue but then yet you want to because it feel nice and good but in the meantime your gut feelings is telling you that it cannot be done because eventually it is going to bring you down. So right now I have been brought down. Till right now I still have not gotten what I want. Yes I expect. SO WHAT??!! YOU MEAN I CAN’T EXPECT??!! BULLSHIT!!! I CAN.

Let me express this out by saying that in whatever we do or I do or you do or whoever does, WE EXPECT SOMETHING IN RETURN!! If not why bother doing it at the first place.

I endured a torrid time yesterday night while driving back home especially the time when I reach the bus stop at my place. It was the weirdest feeling ever let me tell you but I know from that time on, it was all over. It’s all finished. Finito.

It is just pissing me off right now. I’m so FUCKING PISSED OFF now that I can’t even feel myself at times. I was trembling yesterday night when I was in the car. I was ranting and shouting and I was trembling because I knew its going to end there and then. I was not afraid but I was sad and dissapointed that it had to end this way. For me at least.

It’s just the way things would happen. Lets just say that I’m done.

Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)[?]

The Bottom Line

Your mind will be crowded with distractions today. Don’t fight them.

In Detail

Prepare for many distractions to crowd your brain all day. The good news is that these distractions won’t necessarily be bad. In fact, they will probably help you get your mind off some recent problems in your family or home life. You are slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that other people need to make their own choices — and their own mistakes. This is a tough — but very important — lesson to learn.

Haha..this is something that I’m going thru these days and I’m actually coming to terms with the fact that people actually do need to make their own choices and they do need to make their own mistakes. My gosh..I’m laughing at this reading.

Anyway, hopefully everything will go on fine.

Hello everyone, it’s the time of the year for the chinese to usher in the new year and I take this opportunity to wish everyone and their families A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR. May the year of the boar bring you wealth, health, prosperity and all things that is good.

To all my brothers, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR and may it last forever. You guys rock.

I was just reading all the testimonials that I had received and I got only a pathethic 32. Hahaha..no its not pathethic. I’m actually very grateful to all those who drop a word or two about what they feel bout me. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart.

But then it got me thinking..am I really that person who they say I’m in all testimonials? I got good stuffs, good testimonials. But does it really reflect to who I really am? Who am I? Is it true that I’m a very helpful person? Am I a funny person? Am I a good listener? I know who am I. I actually do have all those qualities that my friends have described but I found out one thing. As time goes by (ever since I got back fr Aussie) I found out that I actually lost all of them. I was sucked into the world of employment and chasing the corporate ladder, participating in the rat race. Chasing dreams be it materialistic or just plain dreams was always the teaching that the society have taught us for all these years. It is not wrong but yet after a short while I realise that I have fallen into the trap of dead at 35 but get buried only when im 75. It is just sucky you know. I actually don’t mind chasing all those dreams that I have but I figured there is sure to be a way that I can achieve all my dreams easier and faster. Yea yea some people might say that I’m not realistic. But who says being realistic have to be HARD AND SLOW. We actually do not need to suffer to achieve all the dreams that we have when we were growing up. We can actually not conform to the employment world. We can actually be bigger than who we are right now. We can actually be successfull but not compromise ourselves for it. We are bigger than what others perceive us to be. We are..SO MANY THINGS!!

But to sum it up, hehe..thank you for all the testimonials that all my friends dropped me. As I went through them, I actually felt nice, I actually felt that I found out who am I again. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Remember people, we are so much bigger than who we portray who we are at this particular moment. Remember jymee..do not compromise yourself. Let yourself go free. Let your dreams come out again. It does not matter what other people think of you. You just have to be yourself and you are a fantastic person. You are the most patience person among all the girlfriends that my brothers have. You have so much potential that you have not known yet. You just have to discover it and follow it. And then you will fly.

I’m no master or self declare solve every problem man. All I’m doing is to express my point of view and hopefully during the process someone else will discover the real them. Coz I have..my name is GrindM3iStEr..have fun people.

Anyways, I have not been writing as much as I want to. It’s all down to my schedule. Though I come back every night (late in the night mind you) to log onto the net but it just did not cross my mind that I shoudl blog.

I have been in a state of delirium. Hmmm..not all the time.

I have been in a state of loneliness. Hmm…not all the time.

I have been in a state of anger. Hmmmm….not all the time.

I have been in a state of hyperness. Hmm…not all the time.

Oh have I mentioned that I was in a state of delirium? You know the story.

But the thing is I marvel at the things and the lesson that I go through everyday. I marvel at the support that I get. I have never intended for you to let me go but then I sometimes need to do what I set out to do. Susah nak cari makan these days I tell you.

Lets just put it this way..I will stay on no matter what. I will fight to till the end no matter what. I will not give up no matter how hard life seems till the day I achieve what I set out to do and with you along, it is easy.

Oh, CNY is around the corner. Let’s parttteeeeeee…bye..